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Endgame II

Yesterday was the worst day ever in a long time. I gave a certification exam knowing I would fail it and uncharacteristically so I did manage to fail it. If that had not put me off I had to drive through pindi's ramdan mad traffic. NO ONE STICKS TO THEIR LANE! By the end of 15 minutes of driving I didnt have to take my hand of the horn not that keeping it there was serving any purpose because some form of vehicle or creature kept popping up from nowhere. There are movements that seem sensible to the human mind but jumping from the slowlest lane to the overtake lane and then back again by a TRUCK to overtake a corolla was not expected by me in any universe. I managed to arrive back in the office only to find out today's deliverables had been made all wrong due to mass miscommunication between the onshore and offshore teams. We all had to stay till nine to fix the problem which could easily have been fixed by the gora sahabs themselves as it only a matter of find and replace but they chose to send it over. To top if all off I lost my contact lenses to the pool of water in the sink. Life has come to an all time low. I need to get off my ass and get a life. This blog needs to go.

I seem to be at a loss of words today hence I borrow

r.e.m - final straw - around the sun
As I raise my head to broadcast my objection
Who died and lifted you up to perfection?
And what silenced me is written into law.
I can't believe where circumstance has thrown me
And I turn my head away
Not again. not today. not today.
If hatred makes a play on me tomorrow
And forgiveness takes a back seat to revenge
There's a hurt down deep that has not been corrected.
There's a voice in me that says I will not win.
And if I ignore the voice inside,
Raise a half glass to my home.
But it's there that I am most afraid,
And forgetting doesn't hold. it doesn't hold.
Now I don't believe and I never did
That two wrongs make a right.
Then I'm putting up a fight. I'm putting up a fight.
Putting up a fight. make it right. make it right.
Now love cannot be called into question.
I do believe that I am not alone.
For this fear will not destroy me.
It's knowing now where I am weakest
And the voice in my head. in my head.
Then I raise my voice up higher
With conviction, tell me why.
Tell me why.
Tell me why.
Look me in the eye.
Tell me why.

r.e.m - electron blue - around the sun
The light has started to fade
Your high is timed, you found the climb
It's hard to focus on more than what's in front of you
Electron Blue
Adventure rings with a page and
When it dawns on you,
It singes blue
Your buzz beginning to wane.
Adventure has laid its claim on you
It's all you want to do.
You
You know where to run
You run Electron Blue.
And who am I?
I'm just a guy
I've got a story like everyone
You looked surprised
I didn't know where to run
Tomorrow's gaining speed on me
It's all I want to do
I
I know where to run
I run Electron Blue
I
I know where to run
I run electron blue
So bide your time
You'll feel the climb
Your high it builds like a lightning storm
It sings like pearls
And no one is any the wiser
So as if on cue.....
Electron Blue
Tomorrow's gaining speed on me
It's all I want to do
I
I know where to run
I run, Electron Blue
I
I know where to run
I run, Electron Blue
I
I know where to run
I run, Electron Blue

blackmore's night - fires at midnight - fires at midnight
I stood out here once before
With my head held in my hands
For all that I had known of this place
I could never understand…
On the hills the fires burned at midnight
Superstition plagued the air
Sparks fly as the fires burn at midnight
The stars are out and magic is here…
I wished on the seven sisters
Bring to me wisdom of the age
All that's locked within the book of secrets
I long for the knowledge of the stage…
So, the sisters smiled to themselves
And they whispered as they shone
And it was from that very instant
I knew I would never be alone…
Many stars were forgotten
Many faded and became ghosts
Still my sisters glittered down from heaven
Always there when I needed them most…
I stood here once before
With my head in my hands
For all that I had known of this place
I could never understand
On the hills the fires burned at midnight
Superstition plagued the air
Sparks fly as the fires burn at midnight
Stars are out and magic is here
Stars are out and magic is here
Stars are out and magic is here
Stars are out and magic is here

a perfect Circle - orestes - mer de noms
Metaphor for a missing moment
Pull me in to your perfect circle
One shape
One resolve
Liberate this will
To release us all
Gotta cut away, clear away
Give me
One more medicated peaceful moment
Give Me
One more medicated peaceful moment
And I don't wanna feel this overwhelming
Hostility
I don't wanna feel this overwheming
Hostility

eyeshow - analogy - openings
And it changed my life too
and I don’t understand
When your face to face
with yourself again
So when you don’t like
Everything’s such a mess
And it pays just to be right
And it changed your life too
And your taking my hand
When your face to face
you sure are making your stand
So when you don’t like
Everything’s such a mess
And it pays just to be right
If I say you will obey
If I ask you’ll say ok
If I want to, you will play
And I will say when
Today I’ll open a new door and I’ll find myself hiding
My self-obsessiveness in it’s whole entirety
Making sense out of confusion
So blindly I have sought a reason to be one
It’s all I think and see
It’s my analogy

eyeshow - choice - openings
Child no name will rest afraid
Bleach the spot, what’s happening
Breaking down the reality
It’s my own fault that I don’t see
What does faith believe it’s wait
Compromise what you think
Brain remote of how fast you toke
So dead are we already
Breathing for nothing, die for living
Making choices that you shouldn’t be
Child no name will rest afraid
Bleach the spot, what’s happening
Those afraid to look away
Take it all until it’s dead
Only here will I feel comfort in you at all
But I believe it meant nothing
Embrace yourself to comprehend
Born to death
Teething myself

r.e.m - world leader pretend - green
I sit at my table and wage war on myself
It seems like it’s all...it’s all for nothing
I know the barricades, and
I know the mortar in the wall breaks
I recognize the weapons, I used them well
This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the wall, and I will be the one to knock it down
I’ve a rich understanding of my finest defenses
I proclaim that claims are left unstated,
I demand a rematch
I decree a stalemate
I divine my deeper motives
I recognize the weapons
I’ve practiced them well. I fitted them myself
It’s amazing what devices you can sympathize...empathize
This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the walls, and I will be the one to knock it down
Reach out for me and hold me tight. Hold that memory
Let my machine talk to me. Let my machine talk to me
This is my world
And I am the world leader pretend
This is my life
And this is my time
I have been given the freedom
To do as I see fit
It’s high time I’ve razed the walls
That I’ve constructed
It’s amazing what devices you can sympathize...emapathize
This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the walls, and I will be the one to knock it down
You fill in the mortar. You fill in the harmony
You fill in the mortar. I raised the walls
And I’m the only one
I will be the one to knock it down

sophie b hawkins - i walk alone - timbre
I wanted to be loved
I wanted to be known
I wanted to be held
I wanted to be thrown
Into this world
I wanted to be shy
I wanted to be dumb
I wanted to be blind
I wanted to be young
As a child
I wanted to feel myself
Worthwhile
I walk alone
God take me home
I walk alone
God be my judge
God still my soul
I tried to be your friend
I tried to understand
How I failed
There's nothing more that I can do
And I sail the seas of destiny's song
In my heart I may hold on
I walk alone
In God I trust
Where I belong
I walk alone
In God I must
Proclaim my own

sophie b hawkins - the darkest childe - timbre
You were always the darkest childe
Making all the grown ups sweat
Driving both your parents to distraction
With the sweetness in your head
You're the one who raped your superintendent
On the rooftop tied his hands and feet to the fence
You sucked his cock and fucked the man immobile
You paid your daddy's rent
You are the darkest childe
You spread your angel wings
And fly through the night into the dreams of ancient ruins
And make them sing
Lost lover shameless girl
Bury me in your sultry curls
I'm in the wilderness alone
Let me kiss you until the dawn
Let me put your wilde things on
I've been howling in the fog so long
You are the darkest childe
You have a sacred duty to perform upon this blessed Earth
You must cradle those thoughts of the lustful lonely
Inside your wicked warmth
And you must
Get off
You are the darkest childe
And evil will never stop you
And people will mock you and try
To pop pop pop you into the market place where you cannot be bought
Understood you will be missed
There will be sadness
For the darkest childe
So long
So long to the darkest childe
Waiting in patient anguish
For the scent of someone's wilderness
To howl against the smog screen
Of accolade smoothies
Goose bump burgers and Christ-like fries
How long can this world keep fucking itself up the ass
Wonders never cease
How long would it have to be
Anyway
Long enough to cause hysteria
Wide enough to cause great pain
I am in the wilderness alone
Oh god
Let me kiss you until the dawn
Let me put your wilde things on
I've been howling in the fog so long

scissor sisters - can't come quickly enough - party monsters ost
Sailling through the tunnels
In the morning by yourself
There's a very special feeling
True sensation all is well
If you stand and reach your arms out wide
Close your eyes and try to fly
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side
We knew all the answers
And we shouted them like anthems
Anxious and suspicious
That God knew how much we cheated
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated
Skyscrapers rise between us
Keeping me from finding you
If the concrete architecture
Dissapeared there'd be so few
Of us left to navigate and
Defend ourselves from the tide
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side
There's no indication of
What we were meant to be
Sucking up to strangers
Throwing wishes to the sea
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and
Left you so defeated

entity paradigm - fitrat - irtiqa
Suli pay charho gai keya
Jo maango gai milay ga yahan
Kaghaz kai tukray tau dikha
Jinhein jor kai tu bana Khuda
Bol qabeel tu chahtaa hai keya
Uss ka haq na keh uss ki dua
Haath peh khoon, surakh saiyah
Insaan kee fitrat hay keya
Ho Ho Insaan
Bhool gaye apni aukaat
Ankhoon may takabur
Hiris kai haath
Dhalay aanchal peh Hawas kai daagh
Saray gunahon kee jarh tu hai aaj
Ab naheen tujhey koyee panah
Ab naheen tera koyee yahan
Saanson ka waqt ab thum sa gaya
Insaan kee fitrat hay keya
Ho Ho Insaan
Tu kuchh bhee nahee

TO BE CONTINUED!

isythica

.com

Ramble

I was born 10:15 am on the 25th of Ramadan 1983. The 7th day of the 7th month of the 7th year after the millennium I will have spent two dozen years existing. As of writing this text I will have spent twenty odd years struggling to define that very existence. Many a times I have come to conclusions that I considered conclusive only to be swayed by events and thoughts that were not under my control. These were not random repudiations of my will but concrete and logical refutations based upon faith and reason. There is a prime cause, the first mover, God, Allah, a supreme deity and so on. Humans need to exist as a whole, forming societies which require morality and ethics. These cannot be deduced by reason but need to be based upon something much more meaningful. The difficult part is putting that very meaning in words. Progress counters solace. Yet humans cannot be expected to let their extremely capable minds go to waste. It is a preordained cycle that will one day come to an end. Birth necessitates growing up which necessitates death. There is no reason to feel sorry about the state of affairs in the world. They could be better but even then the decay would only be delayed not diverted. From a single individual’s viewpoint the functioning of nature with its diverse ecosystem which includes humans is completely random. It is not a function of a few variables or a few million. It is not a function at all but an ingenious conjecture of God’s wills which we will always be at a loss to understand. Simply put it is not understood but known. We can only speculate upon isolated parts of this miracle and console ourselves with having understood the genome and so on. Religion is a very potent means of controlling the human race and keeping it sane and functioning as it completes this cycle. Predestination is an excuse for debauchery. For all counts and purposes pertaining to reality we are free. Free will does not equate to omnipotence. Imagine not having to exist in the dimension of time, the dimension of space. The mind cannot compute the result. It resorts to imaginative hallucinations. But we know of these dimensions through our own faculties of perception which for all we know could be wrong. We could be a thought, we could be finite. What we are should not concern us for upon finding out we would have achieved little. It would give us a reason to condone or refute God. It would give us a reason. But humans are sentient but not reasonable in the perfect sense of the word. They do not require reason; it is only an adage to myriad inputs that are considered by our minds before acting. Fear, love, hate all work just as well. Ignoring the circular argument there is no reason to elevate reason above emotion or vice versa. The rise of religion saw the human race reverting back to the Stone Age and the rise of science saw the human race wanting to revert back. A peace of mind has two components material comfort and spiritual solace. Neither religion nor science alone can provide both. Exceptions are irrelevant for there are no rules only a paradigm within which a dynamic subset must be created for each individual. There are no new ideas only rehashing of new situations to fit the same paradigm. Things happen constrained by our minds and then they become history. On the other side extrapolating these constraints gives us the future. Think, but not just because you can. It is the only way to expand.

Day III

The craving is not there this much I have ascertained. All that remains is a total lack of everything, a stupendous non-chalant attitude that surprises even me. Yet again like the summer of 2003 events seem to be coninciding a little too much to be random, its creepy yet nice in a way, it makes me feel special. Rituals are still devoid of any spiritual inclinations and are still run of the mill physical exercies and hygenie providers.

celestial reckoning/passing time/no ambition/sultry lives/something about a little evil

Day II

The craving continues although the headaches and stomach pains have eased off. A 100% drop in nicotine input is planned for DAY III. The thought itself gives me the jitters. I ate a lot today. Hunger is very hard to control once you give in. Yet if you abstain then it becomes difficult to eat anything. The mind lost control today raging out of control while trying to study and play and create and steal. I need one more processor.

dead as dead can be/optimistic/one im sure/your ability/bald/vacant/face myself/ingenuity/disappoint/goals/venture/catatonic/tension

Day I

It was tough. It was trying. My stomach kept aching, my mouth had a bad after taste of tar all day long and I fell asleep twice while studying for the paper. Things are only going to get worse going along. Nicotine input decreased by well over 100% so that is a good thing. Any change in serenity is yet to be felt. The mind is overworked as usual with random fleeting thoughts about a million things occupying it, short attention span that does not respond well to conversations not consisting of monosyllables and lasting more than 2 minutes. Even music seems averse. No pleasure can be derived from music/amvs/code/3ds.

no desire to heal/broken metaphors/I certainly would not walk away/dreams incantation/and i stole my way/arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh